coachKidsSports.com

Mistakes in themselves are unavoidable. - Ernest Mandel

Last week I did a PCA presentation to a local park district.  There were coaches from several different sports and they all seemed receptive to the message.

The structure of the presentation allows for some participation, but it's usually afterwards that the stories and the true opinions come out.  I spoke to one coach for about 10 minutes after the meeting.  He seemed very excited about the PCA message.  He said he was happy to have the park district sponsor the PCA meeting because of some of the behavior he was starting to see at the games. 

He expanded on a story that was told during the session.  His son's football team lost a regional finals game 2-0 after a referee called holding in the endzone, awarding the other team a 2 point safety.  He said the call was close, but wrong.  However he was shocked at the parents reaction.  They had to be stopped from attacking the referee.  We all get emotionally involved in our kid's activities, and this was a major event - the winner went to Disney World to play for the National Championship.  Losing such a close game to a bad call is frustrating in the extreme, but the loss of perspective is the real tragedy.  The coach hoped that the PCA program would be a welcome reminder to the coaches and parents to regain perspective about their kid's sports.  I hope he's right.

Another coach I talked with after the presentation wasn't too sure about something I said.  One of the principles of PCA is "Mistakes are OK".  As coaches we are working with kids to help them master the sport.  If they aren't free to make mistakes they aren't free to push their personal boundaries and improve.  I related John Wooden's Piggy Lambert story — the team that makes the most mistakes in a game usually wins — and went through some of the mistake rituals coaches use with their teams.  This coach came up to me afterward and said, "I like the stuff you're talking about, but I just can't get my head around this mistake thing."

Accepting mistakes is the hardest part of coaching.  You don't want mistakes, you want you team to execute flawlessly every time.  But you also want each kid to improve and, when necessary, be willing to take a chance.  If a kid isn't willing to risk making a mistake then he won't do either of those things.  Good things happen when we push our abilities, but not always. 

As a coach, how you handle the not always goes a long way in determining how often the good things happen.

The gifts that one receives for giving are so immeasurable that it is almost an injustice to accept them. - Rod McKuen

So, what do you get the kid who has everything?  Well, if you are Dan Hinkle from Fairfax County, Va then you get your 12 year old son his own football league.

Wow, what a gift to give your kid — and all the other ones that get to play in the league.  They get to play great competition from across Northern Virginia.  Except that this league wasn't built for the kids of Fairfax County, it's sole purpose is getting Scott Hinkle time and experience playing defense.

"Scott does not sit out on defense — ever," the commissioner, Dan Hinkle, had warned the head coach, James Owens, in an e-mail sent before the season began about how he should play Hinkle's son, 12. On defense, the father said, "he goes in and stays in. That includes all practices, scrimmages and games. This entire league exists so he can play defense on the best team in his weight class. . . . He is my son, I own the league, and he plays every snap on defense."

Oh, he can play offense too, but that doesn't mean he comes out on defense.  I guess that means there aren't any playing time rules in this league.  Although when you own the league you can make the rules fit your needs.

But why is this news.  We've seen plenty of bad parent behavior.  Compared to parents berating kids on the sidelines, telling the coaches your son must play every snap on defense seems almost quaint.

This is news because they won and it still wasn't good enough.  The coaches moved Hinkle to guard on the offensive line because it gave the team the best chance of winning.  I'm sure we've all had to have a talk with a parent about putting a kid in a position because it's the best for the team.  Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn't.  But I've never had to tell the league owner.

Owens (the head coach) said that the day after the game, Hinkle called him and asked him whether Scott had played defense in the game. "I said, 'Your son played offense. He played well and we won the game and we're going to the playoffs.' He said, 'You're fired.' "

Well, that's the way to keep things in perspective.  It's apparent to me that Hinkle hasn't kept things in perspective, maybe he should talk to one of his son's teammates:

"I really didn't want to play for anyone else," said Michael Holland, 13, a seventh-grader who is the middle linebacker on the team. Owens is "a good coach. He's nice. He listens."

The good news for the kids is that they did get to play one more game.  League officials (No, not Dan Hinkle) organized a game for the kids to make up for the playoff game they wouldn't play when the coaches were fired.  The kids got to play another game and, likely, Hinkle will get the lesson he deserves.

Several parents of Raptors players, however, said they don't want their sons to play for South County under the current arrangement of one-person league stewardship. Tyrone Simpson Sr. said he planned to pull his son, Tyrone Jr., 12, from the team because things had gotten so ugly. Simpson said Hinkle had too much power and had abused his position, an opinion voiced by several other parents.

It's just a shame that the kids are caught in the middle.  Although some parents seem to understand what it's about.

"The boys want to play ball," said Cindy Rist, whose son, Sarosh Gilani, 12, is a Raptor. "All of these parents and commissioners need to remember what it's all about. It's about the kids getting to play."

Positive Coaching is not "Happy Talk" - Jim Thompson (Founder Positive Coaching Alliance)

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I spent some time with the people from the Positive Coaching Alliance.  I can tell you now that I've agreed to become as Associate Trainer with PCA.  I'm excited about this opportunity because their philosophy coincides with mine.  PCA understands that youth sports are more than just a way to figure out which group of 10 year olds are better on a given day.  Youth sports get kids exercising; youth sports get kids working together; youth sports deliver life lessons.

The PCA training session I'll deliver is called "The Double Coach".  This refers to a coach's twin goals of winning and teaching positive life lessons.  I've written before about what I consider a coach's priorities:

1. Player development
2. Creating a learning atmosphere
3. Winning

As I said then, winning isn't bad.  When we play sports and keep score everybody knows who wins and loses by looking at the scoreboard.  But in the Double Goal coaching philosophy winning on the scoreboard is nice, but also beside the point.  Rather than concentrate on winning at all costs, a coach should move his players toward mastery of the game.

If a team wins, that's the best they can do, if they lose, it's the worst.  It's Either/Or — On/Off.  But if you coach with a mastery philosophy there is always something a kid did well and something for kids to work toward.

If a kid misses a shot, that's all he can think about.  But in order to get into position to take the shot he had to do something right.  Mastery is recognizing what went right and getting past what went wrong.  That doesn't mean forgetting about errors, it means understanding the moment an error occurs isn't the best time to correct the error — that's why we have practice…

I'm looking forward to giving these PCA training programs.  As you can see from this one example the PCA philosophy is very similar to mine.  If you've enjoyed what I've written here check out the PCA website or contact me about becoming a Certified Double Goal Coach.

Aim high and celebrate that! - Bill Rodgers

Fierce and friendly or just plain fierce?

Dinner at 8: Is that any way to hate your rival? (Rick Morrissey)

Whatever happened to the opponent being the enemy in sports?

You know—the evil, dimwitted, bad-breathed person who, you're convinced, abuses puppies in his spare time?

Yeah, the Bears couldn't get out of their own way Sunday because Brian Urlacher knew the Jason Taylor didn't have halitosis.

Pregame Hitler speech stirs fury

When Charlotte Catholic's boys' soccer team got to Forestview High School in Gastonia on Saturday night for an N.C. 3A playoff game, the Cougars heard something over the public address system they never would've expected:

A 90-second portion of a speech from Adolf Hitler.

This seems like an appropriate time to invoke Godwins Law , except Forestview won…

Fla. Coach Accused Of Forcing Player To Strip, Suck Thumb

According to a police report, some older kids duct taped the boy's legs and sat on top of him, WJXT-TV reported. Police said the coach, 23-year-old William David Simpkins, allowed the incident to take place and did nothing to stop it.

The police report states that Simpkins took the incident one step further, forcing the boy to take his clothes off and run laps in his underwear while sucking his thumb.

So the kids duct tape the kid and the coach sees this happening and his reaction is: you're not going far enough???  That's the way to motivate the kids coach…  They'll want to run through walls for you, except their feet and hands are already bound by duct tape.

Bad coaches, bad teammates, bad fans…  I was getting mad as I read each of these stories because I know that isn't what sports is about and that isn't how most coaches, players and fans think and act.  That's why it was such a joy to read a story in Tuesday's Chicago Tribune .

Alison Wimmer was prepared to meet resistance when she asked if her autistic daughter, Sarah, could run on the cross country team at Downers Grove South High School.

After all, girls like Sarah Wimmer typically join Special Olympics programs, not highly competitive high school sports.

Her mother, however, was pleasantly surprised. Not only did the coaches welcome her, but her teammates also agreed to give up some of their own opportunities so she could be part of the team.

It's a wonderful story about how sport was able to help an autistic girl find her way through high school and how her teammates learned some life lessons.  Kinda like what we always say sports should be about…

But this story isn't just a feel good story. No, Sarah can compete.

"It's not just that Sarah runs. She runs near 24 minutes for a 3-mile race. She beats people."

That isn't fast enough to win races, but it's faster than she ran when she started and it's faster than she would run if she wasn't given the chance to compete.  And after everything is removed, isn't that is what sports are about, the chance to compete.  Let me do my best, you do your best and let's see what happens. 

Sarah, her parents and coaches all knew should wouldn't win any races.  In fact the same could be said about any number of runners on that (or any other) cross country team.  But those kids aren't toeing the line looking for a scholarship.  But yet they run.  They run until their lungs burn and their legs ache because they want something else; and whatever else it is - the friendships, the personal challenge - they get it through sports.  That's how sports are trancendant, that's why they are a gift.

Push yourself again and again. Don't give an inch until the final buzzer sounds. - Larry Bird

I mentioned last time that I spent the weekend with the people from the Positive Coaching Alliance.  One of their principles is Honoring the Game.  By that they mean respect for Rules, Opponents, Officials, Teammates and Yourself.  This principle really gives focus on what youth sports should be about; teaching life lessons.

One of the phrases they use to illustrate the principle is "Fierce and Friendly".  That may sound like an oxymoron, but think about Magic and Bird or Watson and Nicklaus.  When one made a shot, the other wanted to top it.

The Celtics and Lakers met in the NBA Finals three times in four years.  Celtics had what the Lakers wanted and vice-verse.  But rather than build a hatred for each other, they had an enormous amount of respect for each other.  Not to say that those games were tea parties.  Each team scratched and clawed (sometimes literally if I recall correctly) for every point.  But at the end the winners knew they earned something special and the loser knew they pushed the winners to the limits.

That sort of respect for opponents is a gift we don't give our kids often enough.  Think about the competitive games your team plays — compare that to the blowouts, both for and against.  Win or lose, your team probably plays better because they have to.   Respect what your opponent brings to the game and what they bring out of your team.  A great opponent is a gift that keeps on giving.

Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. - Vince Lombardi

I spent the weekend talking to the people with the Positive Coaching Alliance.  I've written about this organization before in connection with the book Double Goal Coach.  The double goals are 1) Winning and 2) Using sports to teach kids life lessons. 

PCS's mission tracks closely with my belief that a coach's priorities are:

1. Teaching the kids
2. Creating a fun atmosphere
3. Winning games

And the kids priorities are:

1. Winning games
2. Having fun
3. Learning the game

The way PCA puts it:

PCA was created to transform the culture of youth sports to give all young athletes the opportunity for a positive, character-building experience.
We have three national goals:

1. To replace the "win-at-all-cost" model of coaching with the "Double-Goal Coach" who wants to win but has a second, more important, goal of using sports to teach life lessons
2. To teach youth sports organization leaders how to create an organizational culture in which Honoring the Game is the norm
3. To spark and fuel a "social epidemic" of Positive Coaching that will sweep this country

I'll write more about them in the coming days.  Today take some time and check out their site.  They have several tools to help you teach your kids in a positive way.  One of the best is Positive Charting.  You create a chart for each player along with the activity you want to track.  Have an assistant coach track the game and give each kid a mark when they do the activity you are tracking.  After the game or at the next practice you can use the charts to reinforce what the kids did in the game.

Positive Charting is only one of the tools PCA has to implement positive coaching.  Over the weekend we talked about several others that are all part of a PCA Double Goal Coach clinic.  Do yourself a favor and go to one of these clinics if you have the chance to attend.